My Dog the Magician

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Mary Jo Fay

Can your dog do magic? Perhaps…

Move over Harry Potter – my dog has apparently taken up magic! Perhaps I should enter her in America’s Got Talent! See if you can solve this because I haven’t figured it out yet …

I had been out shopping the other day and when I came home I opened the door, as usual, expecting my little, white Schnauzer Larkin, to greet me exuberantly as always. Nope. No excited pup visible anywhere, bouncing with joy that Mommy’s home!  Something was definitely wrong. She never disappears.

So I figured that perhaps I hadn’t closed the bathroom door and she’d gotten in there and then accidentally locked herself in, which happens occasionally. But no. Bathroom door had remained tightly shut and when I opened it the room was just as I had left it. (If I do forget and leave the door opened, she considers it fair game to spew the contents of the bathroom wastebasket everywhere. Needless to say, it’s a rare day that I forget to close the bathroom door!)

All this time I continued to call her, but no sound of an excited fuzzy canine could be heard! I was starting to worry just a bit by then, as she never disappears. Was she hurt and unable to communicate? Had she keeled over dead while I was out?

My mind was racing by then. Perhaps someone had broken in and stolen my dog? Or something else? I glanced over to my dining room table where I do most of my work and saw the computer, (my most valuable possession as it holds all my works) was still where I had left it. Whew!

Then, I glanced over to the flat screen TV. Not a huge one, mind you. Several years old by now. But the only TV I had. Thankfully, it was still perched on the shelf above the fireplace. Apparently untouched. By this time I was beginning to panic.I live in a very small house and my possibilities were quickly running out. Where the hell was my dog? Did aliens “beam her up, Scotty?”

For a while when I first moved into my 100-year-old house, I thought it might be haunted, based upon some odd things that had happened. (I’d come home to find broken photo frames and shattered glass that had no explanation.Things like that.) And the dog hadn’t even been home to be labeled a suspect. But I hadn’t even experienced those for a while. Did my ghost suddenly return and decide to haunt poor Little Larkin to death?

Then, to my surprise, as I turn towards the next room to search, I find a pint of Halo Top low cal ice cream on the living room floor. (In the spot where Larkin usually lays to consumer bones and other precious commodities.) Aha! The first clue appeared.

The pint of Peanut Butter Cup flavor didn’t appear to be opened despite several dents I assumed to be bite marks and there wasn’t even a dribble of my sweet addictive food on the floor! (Thank God for small favors.) Yet, still no sign of the suspect.

As I studied the unopened container it struck me that it didn’t feel as heavy as usual. So, the next step was to open it. I pried the lid off and then- the aluminum foil layer after that; tightly sealed, although a bit soggy. It had apparently been out of the freezer for some time. However, the amount of ice cream in the container indeed seemed to be less than usual. Where did the rest of it go since the container was obviously still sealed? It was about half melted but even as such I didn’t see how it would take up substantially less space in its liquid state, would it?

Which begs me to ask the question – how the hell did my little Houdini get it out of the freezer in the first place?

Which takes me to investigate the freezer – firmly shut, as I know I had left it. It’s one of those doors that automatically closes itself! But how on Earth did she get it open? Sure, it’s a side-by-side fridge/freezer but she’s only about 17 pounds and I certainly have to pull pretty firmly on it to get it to open, myself.

My curiosity was growing by leaps and bounds. What had happened here with my dog at the helm?

And all this time, I have been calling and calling her as I had made all of these discoveries. Still no sight of her.

Finally, as a very last resort, I said the magic words: “Larkin, want a COOKIE?,” and slowly but surely Little Larkin showed up in the kitchen, looking VERY sheepish. And very guilty. I just wasn’t sure what laws she had broken or what to charge her with! Yet!

She hung her head for about ten seconds as I was scolding her (only with my words used cautiously, as she’s such a sensitive soul) and she went right back into the bedroom, where I watched her slide herself under the bed – much like a badly behaving child has to sit in the corner for punishment. To add to everything, the space under the bed has only about an inch of extra headroom. I said my prayers and hoped that she didn’t get herself stuck which would have only complicated the situation further. I wouldn’t have been able to lift the bed by myself, should I need to and as it was the middle of the day, there weren’t many neighbors nearby who could help either.

I guess the low-cal Halo Top ice cream had been calling her. She sees me eat it all the time and of course, I let her lick the spoon for all the drippings. So, apparently my addiction had apparently become her addiction!

In fact, I bet she’s had this plan in the works for some time! Just waiting for the right moment.
But, still, I ask you –
How did my little Magic Girl pull all this off? Should I sign her up for America’s Got Talent? Stay tuned for future mysteries. And if you have a dog in your house and you’re a Halo Top Ice cream addict like I am, you might just want to buy a lock for your freezer!